Bookclub Review: The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively

I’ve had this book among my collection for a long time. It wasn’t until I reached out to my awesome community and asked if anyone wanted to join me in reading it that I finally decided to crack the cover.

What I Learned from the 5 Love Languages of Children

I took away a lot of messages from this book – which becomes obvious to me as I flip through the pages and note how often I marked in the margins. Although I did have a few crititisims which I will mention later – 

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Next Month’s Book: There’s No Such Thing As Bad Weather

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February Book: The Whole-Brain Child

What I Learned About My Child’s Love Language and How that Influences My Behavior

Even though we all know the optimal words to use when talking to our children, or the children we care for, we are often so overwhelmed with the day and the realities of what is expected of us hour to hour that we are responding to each event in the moment. Or is that just me?

Sometimes I just need the reminder to be cognizant of my behavior, the words I use, the way I hold my body, the intensity of my eyes when I interact with my daughter and this book gave me that.

I try with my whole heart to be careful of my phrasing with questions and responses for children because I know how literally they take every word and how deeply they read into the non-verbal messaging (Tips for teaching Social-Emotional Skills to Children here).

But let’s face it. In a day when you are rushed from the moment you wake up, coffee was spilled before a sip could be enjoyed, everyone is feeling a little bit off and nothing seems to be going as planned, those are the moments when responses and expectations for hurrying along become a little bit more intense, have a little bit more urgency behind them. I gave myself a sigh of relief in the reminder that I’m not alone on this journey and that I won’t be the last to live it. I noted a few great ideas of phrases to keep in my back pocket to use in just those moments, even if I have to write them down to practice them to make them a habit, I think they will be helpful.

My Daughter’s Love Language 

Although my daughter just turned 3 and it is recommended to continue to use all the love languages until she turns 6, I can clearly see that Little Bee thrives from Words of Affirmation (complimenting others to make them smile, sharing “I love yous” with friends and family), Quality Time (playing together), and Acts of Service as these are the areas that she is most likely to share with others in an effort to express her own love.

I will continue to use all of the Love Languages for her as she continues to express herself and grow, but will rely more heavily on the ones listed above until they don’t seem to resonate with her as strongly.

It comes down to letting my daughter take the lead in a way that works for her rather than me holding expectations about what love should look like based on my own experience.

The 5 Love Languages of Children Take Away for Holidays and Birthdays

I really love that although Receiving Gifts is one of the Love Languages, it speaks often about how this can be interpreted. Gift giving in itself does not mean sharing in love. Giving a child everything they ask for does not mean sharing in love. This is especially powerful during Christmas or other gift giving times of year that are meaningful for your family.

I recently wrote a post about how we can give gifts that are not toys (link here) or how to share in creative gifts for children who love art (more on that here) rather than filling up the toy box with more toys related to TV shows – not that there is anything wrong with this, but how many Paw Patrol toys are too many?!

We already live the comparison game – comparing quantity of gifts, the stylized images of the perfect playroom, how many devices a child has, what it means to give educational toys, offering the best opportunities to children. This can feel overwhelming and add to the guilt of “not enough” that so many of us feel. Even though this book offers ways that we can share love by giving a child a gift, it does not imply that we go out and buy a new tablet, a new closet full of clothes, or daily boxes of mystery tied with ribbon.

Gifts can be anything that comes from the heart, that are given with intention and purpose and that are not simply a placeholder for sharing love another way.

Religion in The 5 Love Languages of Children

I believe strongly in the idea of community, of serving those you wish to support to tbe best of your ability – which is why I do what I do everyday. I believe that taking the time to be grateful can change ones perspective and bring us back to a place of positivity and enrichment and I knew this book would follow these notes along with me.

I wasn’t aware however, for how often religion would be referred to in the text. I think that for some readers this may not resonate, while for others it allows the messages to sink in more fully.

For those who tend not to turn to books that have an aspect of religion or reference to faith, know that it doesn’t impact the message and overall idea of the book and the intention of connecting with our children. But I do think it is worth noting as a common thread through many of the chapters.

Critique for The 5 Love Languages of Children

With no ill harm intended, I found myself cringing from time to time at the language used in this book. I think because I am so heavily invested in the education world of young children I am sensitive to some of the terms and generalizations that can be made.

With such a short text (and quick read I should add) it is hard to go into detail about all the areas discussed. Often the text would say that it couldn’t discuss all the ideas under a general topic as it was outside the scope of the book and that is fair but I do think that often led me to believe that there were some perceptions  about non-nuclear family structures, traditional gender roles and for those families who don’t have the ease of giving time (and gifts) in the methods described.

I often thought about single mothers while reading this book, wondering what her perceptions would be, how much more responsibility she feels, how much more her time has to be shared with her children and other life responsibilities and how challenging it can be to overcome that mom guilt. There was a chapter about this at the end but it still didn’t quite cover the topic the way I would have hoped. 

But in doing so, I also reminded myself to take each recommendation in the way that it works best for each family structure, to take each message and it would be most meaningful for the members of each family, and to most importantly, reach out to my community to be supportive to others where I can and to ask for help when I need it as well.

This parenting gig can be tricky for everyone no matter of circumstance and I think we should all be helping each other as much as we can.

Check out these other posts with great book lists!

• Books for Back to School Preparation
• Preparing for a Child’s First Dentist Trip – all about the dentist
• Super Cool Flashlight Books,
• Books about Going to School,
• Bear Hunt Books,
• Encouraging Water Play,
• Books About Nature,
• Teaching Social-Emotional Skills and
• The Hard Conversations to name a few.